A DIFFICULT TORAH PORTION
This is a difficult Torah portion. If you aim to craft a Judaism palatable for the chattering classes, if you love to talk about “difficult questions” -whose answers can be found in the column of the Guardian- you most want to skip Chaye Sarah, the Torah portion of this week. `
Perhaps the opening is not so problematic; Abraham mourns the loss of Sara and then negotiates with the Hebronites to purchase a plot to bury Sara. Although the mention of the city of Hebron and the implication that Jews may have some historical claim to the city… is not going to make you popular among those who see Israel as colonialist.
The core of the Torah portion is definitely more unpalatable, difficult, and embarrassing. And it is precisely what we have read today, Genesis chapt 24. Abraham sends his servant to look for a wife for Isaac because he is terrified that his son may fall in love with and marry one of the local girls, God forbid. In contemporary terms, Abraham does not want his son to marry out. This attitude, not at all uncommon among us Jewish parents, is anathema for today’s chattering classes, so enamoured of “diversity”.
How dare that Patriarch opposes this natural phenomenon, the marriage between a Jew and a non-Jew? What’s this fear of “the Other”? Why is the Jewish faith so obsessed with miscegenation? That’s racism!
I can go on, but I think you got it; after all, we all are familiar with this criticism of our faith. We all have engaged in some discussion with those who believe that the preference of our Patriarch for “our girls” over” the other” is an indelible moral stain. which reverberates down through the generations until ours.
The only problem is that it is all wrong.
Because Abraham, the Patriarch, is not the founder of Judaism. The founders of Judaism are Abraham and Sara.
God indeed appears to Abraham, speaks with Abraham, stipulates a covenant with Abraham (and his descendants), and promises to Abraham (and his descendants).
But Abraham enters the covenant and speaks with God (he even argues with God) as a married man.
Indeed the first commandment given by God to human beings is to multiply, that is, to set up families and to have children.
Because it will be repeated over and over in the Bible, the Divine Law, the Torah, “is not in heaven”.
The Torah is not a lofty ideal or a set of principles, like one of those UN declarations we are used to seeing approved at unanimity by representatives of all the nations of the Earth (including the dictatorships). And then it remains on paper, and nothing changes.
No, Judaism is living, and it s lived by the Jews, that is, in our families, in our communities, in our homes. Family life is indeed the foundation of Judaism.
And so when Sara passes away, it is time for another couple to step into the scene so that the heritage of the first couple can be passed on and continue to live. That is why Abraham’s first and only concern is finding a wife for his son at this point. Because, at this point, his role is over, and it’s time to retire
But why search for the future wife of Isaac in a foreign land? Why is Abraham so keen for his son to marry within the family? What’s wrong with the local girls?
This is not the place for me to enter in defence of the Jewish commandment “to marry Jewish”; nonetheless, it must be said that there is nothing racist about that.
We Jews only happen to know that the union of a couple must be based on shared values.
I read recently that in the USA, there are almost no more couples where one of the two is a democrat, and the other is a Trump supporter. Marriage between people of different ethnicities is now part of American life. No one dares to criticise this happening, but marriage between members of two different tribes with different values is seen as a nemesis by both sides, including the enlightened progressive and liberals, those who believe that we Jews are racist and exclusivist. Strong and enduring couples must be based on shared values.
Which values made the union of our patriarchs and matriarchs so strong?
As we learn from the Torah, Abraham and Sara were a pretty unique couple. They were hospitable.
Last week, we saw that Abraham, even when he is recovering from the pain of the circumcision. as soon as he sees three strangers approaching, rushes to welcome them. He and Sara offer them a delicious meal.
Hospitality. This is what the servant of Abraham will experience when he meets with Rebecca. Rebecca is a kind, gentle soul who offers him water to drink, feeds the camels, and brings him into her family home. There they offer him a meal literally even before he starts explaining the reasons for his visit. Abraham and Sarah were a couple based on hesed, love and hospitality. They share the same values that shape the life of Rebecca and Isaac together.
Hospitality is not just being kind and inviting people to their homes. Abraham and Sara’s sense of hospitality was radicated in their experience of homelessness, wandering around the Middle East, and never knowing how welcomed they were.
Abraham and Sara shared the feeling of precarity. They knew how important it is to find on your journey hospitable people. They wanted to be these people.
There is another deep reason why hospitality is so important. Our Patriarchs and Matriarchs were hospitable because they knew that the land does not belong to the human being. They knew that humans are temporary sojourners on the land and that the Earth belongs only to God.
This is an incredibly profound concept that we internalise with difficulty, obsessed with the idea that once we have a house, we have a castle, and we can lock ourselves in, to hell with the world. It does not work this way. Our houses do not protect us from global warming and other tragedies that are happening to the environment. We have to understand we must realise that we are guests in this world, that the real landlord is God and that we are merely the custodians. Guests, not owners.
According to the Kabbalah, Abraham knew that Rebecca was the proper wife for his son because she was a model of hesed, of loving kindness towards human beings (including his son) and the animals, as shown by how she takes care of the camels. Much has been written about the caring attitude of Rebecca towards these animals.
We, the descendants of Abraham and Sara of Rebecca and Isaac, must follow her example. We must put into practice the values of hospitality and care for the environment that has made those families and their unions so beautiful and so strong,